Dancing Dirt into the Snow
by heartlines
Summary: Summer's hiding something. But how can she tell anyone about it if she doesn't remember anything?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Dancing Dirt into the Snow 

A/N: The title is from Missy Higgin's song 'Dancing Dirt into the Snow'. :) This takes place after The Girlfriend but before The Escape.

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. They all belong to Josh Schwartz, who doesn't always deserve them, but they're his anyways.

**Prologue**

"What are we even doing here?" Ryan asked in exasperation as they got out of the Range Rover.

"It's the last party of the summer!" Seth grinned, looking up at Holly's beach house where hip-hop music was blasting at full volume and bikini clad girls were grinding against the water polo players.

They made their way through the dancing couples, once inside they immediately spotted Marissa who waved to them from across the room.

"He-ey, looks like somebody is happy to see you," Seth said, leaning in close to Ryan's ear to be heard over the music.

"I don't know why."

Seth almost laughed at the bewildered expression on his friend's face. It was just this morning that Marissa was still giving Ryan the cold shoulder because of the whole Gabrielle fiasco.

"Hey guys!" Marissa giggled as she came up to them, she teetered slightly as she walked and almost spilled the contents of the plastic cup she was holding. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Last party of the summer," Ryan muttered.

Seth leaned in again. "Well no wonder man. She's wasted." He turned to Marissa and spoke loudly. "What's up, Marissa? Thanks for the drink."

Marissa frowned as Seth took her cup but quickly got over it as she focused her attention on Ryan. "Let's dance," she demanded.

"You guys do that," Seth said. "I'm going to go find Summer."

He watched in amusement as Marissa dragged Ryan into the middle of gyrating couples and began grinding against him. Seth made a mental note to keep an eye our for Luke, he was not going to be a happy camper if he saw Marissa dancing like that and the last thing Ryan needed was another fight.

Seth scanned the room, his eyes landing on the brunette standing by the kitchen counter wearing a bikini top and short shorts. Summer, his reason for coming to this party in the first place.

She'd been avoiding him like the plague ever since that kiss at his grandfather's party. Not that he really ran into her a lot in the first place, or that she even normally acknowledges on the rare occasions that they do run into one another. But that was beside the point. The point was that was the best night of his life and he now had actual hope that maybe, just maybe, Summer could be interested in him.

Seth walked over to her. "Hey Summer, Seth Cohen, remember?"

Summer raised her eyebrows and looked at him disinterestedly.

"Right," he placed Marissa's drink on the counter and looked around awkwardly. "Wild party, huh?"

Summer rolled her eyes and took a long drink from the cup she was holding, not even bothering to acknowledge him. Okay, this was definitely not going the way he had hoped.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

"To you?" Summer laughed and rolled her eyes again. "Yeah right. Eww, loser!" She downed the rest of her drink and walked away.

Seth watched some guy pull her over and start dancing against her. She pushed him away in disgust and kept on walking.

Seth sighed. He really didn't understand Summer, he didn't even understand himself when it came to her. No matter how shitty she treated him, he couldn't make himself _not_ like her.

Suddenly this party didn't seem so great anymore; he just wanted to go home. He looked around but couldn't find Ryan anywhere.

Well, if he couldn't leave yet then he could at least get some fresh air. He stepped out onto the porch and could just make out the figures of a bunch of water polo players gathered around a fire down on the beach. His mind flashed back to the time that he and Ryan got their asses kicked by the water polo players at that very spot. Seth had no desire whatsoever to repeat that experience.

The sound of glass breaking in the far corner of the porch caught his attention. "Shit!" A voice said.

Seth went over and found Summer staring at the shattered pieces of the glass she was apparently drinking from. She shrugged and started chugging the alcohol straight from the bottle. She had abandoned the keg beer in favor of Jack Daniels.

"Don't you think you've had enough to drink, Summer?" Seth asked.

"Leave me alone, Cohen."

"So you do know who I am. That's a start."

Summer rolled her eyes again. Seth moved closer to her. "Something's bothering you. What is it?"

She turned to face him, her eyes betraying no emotion. "I said leave me alone."

"You can talk to me, Summer," he said softly.

She faltered, and for a split second Seth actually thought that she was going to open up, but then she turned away and took a long drink from her bottle.

"You think you know me, Cohen. But you don't. You don't know anything about me or my life," Summer said.

"Then why don't you tell me?"

"Okay…" Seth said after a long silence that clearly indicated that she wasn't going to tell him a damn thing. "Then I'll tell you what I do know. I know that your mom left you when you were ten. I know that you hate your step-mom. I know that your dad is hardly ever home. I know that you're afraid of heights even though you pretend not to be. I know that mermaid poem isn't your only poem, you secretly like writing them. And I know that sometimes you hate Newport just as much as I do."

Summer looked horrified. "God you freak! What did you do, read my diary?"

"You don't keep one," he said. "Not anymore, I saw you throw it into the ocean."

She glared at him.

Seth held his hands up. "I was on my Grandpa's yacht, you were on the dock."

"You're like a stalker!"

"I actually prefer the term silent observer," he smiled slightly. "Stalker seems a little extreme."

She pushed him. "Get away from me!"

"Not until you give me that," Seth pointed to the bottle she was holding.

"Yeah right," and as if to prove her point, Summer took another long sip.

Seth tried to pull the bottle out of her hands but she pulled back. "No! You're not taking it!"

"You've had enough for the night."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Summer half-yelled, half-sobbed. "Just leave me alone and get the hell out of my life! I don't need you! I don't need anybody!"

There was a sadness in her eyes that Seth could see clearly now. Gone was her stoic demeanor, he had gotten to her. He felt no victory in this, just sadness for the pain she was obviously feeling and trying desperately to hide.

He let go of the bottle just as Summer gave another tug. She lost her balance and went stumbling back. Her head hit the railing as she fell down and Seth was immediately at her side.

"Summer! Summer!" Seth cradled her unconscious body in his arms and checked the back of her head, feeling the bruise that was forming there. "Please Summer, wake up."

Seth picked her up, cradling her small body in his arms, making sure to support her head. He went into the house in search of Ryan. Fortunately, he spotted him right away in the kitchen trying to stop Marissa from drinking any more.

"Ryan!" Seth yelled.

Ryan turned, saw the unconscious Summer and came rushing over. "What happened?"

"Drunk…argue.." Seth mumbled incoherently. "Fought over bottle…fell down…hit her head…." He looked down helplessly at Summer and prayed that she would wake up.

Ryan didn't look like he understood a word he said but he leaned over and put two fingers on her neck. "Her pulse is strong. Come on, let's get her to a hospital."

They hurried past all the people dancing and drinking and Marissa trailed behind them, the sight of her best friend unconscious in Seth Cohen's arms having sobered her up a little bit. "What's wrong with Summer?" She asked.

"We don't know," Ryan said. "We're taking her to a hospital. Can you call her parents?"

Marissa shook her head. "They're in New York…or Florida…or was it Europe? It's hard to keep track."

"What?" Seth asked incredulously. "Who's staying with her at home?"

Marissa shrugged. "There's a housekeeper in the day, sometimes she sleeps over with me."

They reached the Range Rover and Ryan unlocked the back door.

"I'll stay in back with Summer," Seth told Marissa. "You ride up front."

Ryan helped Seth to situate Summer comfortably in the backseat, her head resting on Seth's lap.

"Drive fast," Seth said.

Ryan nodded and jogged over to the driver's side.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

"This is all my fault," Seth moaned.

"It's not your fault," Ryan said sharply.

"Yes, it is. I'm the one who played tug-of-war with the bottle with her."

Summer had been in the emergency room for nearly an hour now. Ryan had called Sandy and Kirsten as soon as they got to the hospital and they were on their way. Marissa was now passed out, her head on Ryan's shoulder.

Seth had told Ryan as much as he could about what had happened without giving the details of the conversation. Seth knew that he had more than one reason to feel guilty, if only he hadn't upset her so much none of this would have happened. He knew that Summer's dad wasn't around very much but he had no idea that she practically lived in that big house by herself.

If Summer didn't make it through this…..He shook his head. No, he couldn't think this way.

Sandy and Kirsten came rushing into the waiting room and Ryan stood up to greet them.

"How is she?" Sandy asked.

"We don't know yet. The doctor is still with her," Ryan said.

Kirsten sat down beside Seth and put her arm around his shoulders.

"We should call her parents," she said.

"They're not home," Seth sighed. "They're in Europe, probably."

"Who's staying with her at home?" Kirsten asked.

"That's the thing, I don't think anyone _is_ staying with her."

Her brow wrinkled in concern. "Poor girl…"

Sandy looked over at the still sleeping Marissa. "I'll call Jimmy, tell him to come pick Marissa up."

"I'm going to talk to the nurse," Kirsten stood up. "Somebody needs to sign the papers. Do you boys want anything to eat?"

Seth shook his head.

"We're fine, thanks," Ryan said.

His parents left the room and Seth buried his head in his hands. Ryan sat down beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't blame yourself."

The time that passed since his parents arrived seemed to stretch onto forever for Seth. In reality it was only around thirty minutes later that doctor came out. The Cohens and Ryan all stood up.

_Please let her be alright, please let her be alright…_Seth silently prayed.

"How is she, Doc?" Sandy asked.

"She's fine," the doctor said and everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief. "She suffered from a concussion and we worried that the impact of her head injury, along with her alcohol consumption, may have caused her to slip into a coma, but she's awake."

"Can I see her?" Seth asked eagerly.

Doctor Jenkins, as his name tag read, looked uneasy. "But I'm afraid I do have some bad news…."

Seth paled. He didn't like the sound of that.

Sandy put a hand on his son's shoulder reassuringly. "What is it?" He asked.

"Are you her parents or guardians?" Doctor Jenkins asked.

At this point Kirsten spoke up. "No, we're not. But her parents are currently overseas and unavailable. We're all that girl has right now. Please just tell us if there's anything wrong."

"I'm afraid that she's suffering from memory loss. She seems to be aware and in the right frame of mind, so we can presume at the moment that no severe brain damage has occurred. But she is unable to recall anything prior to the head injury, including her own name.

Seth slumped down into a chair.

"So she has amnesia?" Ryan asked.

"Yes. Right now, it looks to be retrograde amnesia, meaning that she can't remember anything before the head injury occurred. She has no idea who she is, why she's here or who any of you are."

Everyone was silent for a few minutes, taking in the full impact of the doctor's words.

"Is it temporary or permanent?" Sandy asked.

"We don't know. I'm sorry," Doctor Jenkins said.

"Can I see her?" Seth asked again.

"She can have visitors," he agreed. "But one at a time, too many people all at once may overwhelm her."

Seth jumped up and followed the doctor down the long hallway. They reached Summer's room and the doctor opened the door. Seth's heart nearly stopped at the sight of her. She looked so small, so fragile lying on the hospital bed, and the guilt threatened to overwhelm him.

"Looks like she fell asleep again," Doctor Jenkins whispered.

Seth sat down on the chair beside her bed and barely noticed as the doctor quietly slipped out of the room.

Seth tucked a strand of hair behind Summer's ear and took her hand. She looked so peaceful, a huge contrast from the Summer that was screaming at him only a few hours ago.

"I'm so sorry, Summer," Seth whispered. "So so sorry."

He lifted her hand and kissed it then rested his head beside her on the bed. He closed his eyes and just lay with her for a few minutes.

"Who are you?" He heard Summer whisper.

Seth sat up suddenly. "Summer!"

She looked up at him in confusion.

"Summer Roberts…that's your name."

"Like the season?"

Seth smiled. "Yeah, like the season."

"What's yours?"

"Seth….Seth Cohen."

He noted that Summer seemed very serene and calm, very different from the loud, confident, and feisty Summer he was used to. He wondered if it was the amnesia that was causing this or whatever drugs they had put in her, maybe both.

There was a long silence between them where Summer was just looking at him, scrutinizing him in fact. It was like she was seeing him for the first time and Seth had to remind himself that she was. Nevertheless, he felt very self-conscious under her gaze. But he didn't dare say anything in fear of upsetting her.

"Who are you?" She asked again.

Seth was confused. "I'm Seth-"

"No," she cut him off. "I know who you are, I mean who _are_ you?"

Seth didn't know how to answer her. Who was he to her really? The reality was Seth Cohen was nobody to Summer Roberts. It's not like he could tell her about the kiss they shared a week ago.

"I'm-" he started to say but was interrupted when Dr. Jenkins came in with his parents. Summer grabbed Seth's hand and gripped it tightly, not liking the onslaught of strangers coming into her room.

"It's okay," he said soothingly. "It's just my parents."

Kirsten stood next to Seth. "Hi sweetie, I'm Kirsten," she smiled kindly and Summer relaxed considerably.

She yawned. "I'm really tired."

"We should let you rest," Doctor Jenkins said.

Kirsten pulled the covers over Summer and smoothed them in a very motherly way. Summer smiled gratefully at her and closed her eyes.

Kirsten leaned over and whispered in Seth's ear. "We need to talk outside."

Seth nodded and followed them out into hallway where Ryan was waiting.

"Do you really not know where her parents are?" Doctor Jenkins asked Seth and Ryan.

"She practically lives alone…I had no idea," Seth muttered looking down at his shoes.

"Does she not have a guardian or another family member responsible for her?"

"We're really not that close with her family," Kirsten said. "I can call around in the morning though; find out where her parents are and how to contact them."

"Her father is Doctor Roberts, right? He specializes in cosmetic surgery. I can make a few calls myself. If he's overseas on business, we should be able to find him."

"Will she get her memory back?" Seth asked.

"Sometimes the amnesia only lasts a few days. But there are cases where it lasts weeks, even months, which is why it is imperative for us to get in contact with her parents. We're going to have to keep her under observation for a few days and run some brain scans."

Sandy and Kirsten exchanged a look. "You can just go ahead and charge everything to us, Doc," Sandy said. "It's no problem."

He looked taken aback. "Are you sure?"

Kirsten nodded. "Please, just give her the best care possible. We'll speak to her parents and sort everything out later on."

"Alright then," Doctor Jenkins agreed.

Seth had never been more grateful for his parents than right at that moment.

"Can I stay with her tonight?" Seth asked.

"Well…we don't usually allow visitors overnight but I think it might help her to not be alone right now."

Seth looked at his parents pleadingly. They looked at each other again. Seth often marveled at how they could do that. It was like they could hold entire conversations just by looking at each other.

"Okay," Sandy agreed. "You can stay."

"I'll bring you some clothes and stuff tomorrow morning," Ryan offered.

"Yeah, thanks. Could you have Marissa pack some stuff for Summer? Oh and…" Seth lead Ryan a small distance from his parents and Doctor Jenkins who were talking. "Maybe Marissa can find some photo albums?" Any childhood toys that might have meant to Summer?"

Ryan nodded. "We'll take care of it."

"Ryan," Kirsten called. "We're leaving."

She walked over to Seth and hugged him. "Eat something, will you?" She said as she pulled away. "There's a vending machine around the corner."

"Mom," he smiled. "I'm fine. Really."

Kirsten nodded and after a final wave to his family, Seth entered Summer's room once again.

She was still sleeping, the moonlight peeking through the curtains falling across her face illuminating her and making her look like an angel.

Seth sat down in the chair again and held her hand. He laid his head beside it and closed his eyes, the exhaustion night's events taking over as he fell asleep.

A/N: I did quite a bit of research on amnesia and what I found out is that amnesia is more often than not sensationalized and exaggerated in TV shows and movies. FYI, retrograde amnesia as it is described in the story is actually very rare in real life. It is much more common for head injury victims to suffer from short term memory loss rather than long term. But that doesn't fit in with the story I want to write so I'm going to have to go the Hollywood way. Lol. From here on out, don't expect the medical stuff to be completely accurate.

Oh and this chapter was a bit boring, at least to me. But the ball will get rolling very soon so don't worry. ;)

Thank you everyone for your reviews, they're very much appreciated.

Oh and about The Essence of Life. I know I've neglected that story and I'm really sorry about that. Right now I'm lacking inspiration for it and there are a bunch of other stuff in my head that's begging to be written down so I'm going to give priority to that. I can't promise anything but maybe sometime in the future when I'm not so bogged down by other stuff, I might just pick it up again. Not that I expect anyone to still be interested in it by then. lol. :D


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